Unfortunately Sleepless

There are four orange squares on the red box
he is massaging my back
but his hands aren't yours.

The turtle's water is too low
The posters have not been taped to the wall
I haven't done four pictures.

But he is massaging me
and I can't think can't feel
all there is- is the swish of the oil against my skin.

And you'll be smiling
And I'll be clouded
but the gray is so much better.

Because cold is better
Because the fire in my veins is painful
Because I'm so damn tired.

I'm sleeping but not dreaming
I'm dreaming but no longer awake
I'm living and I'm dying.

And then the oils dry on my skin
And then I have a job to do
And then it really doesn't matter how tired I am.